Boring Town

My damn forehand sucks; therefore, tennis sucked today.  

I wish I was a senior.  Not only would I be graduating the same time as James but seniors didn't have to take the stupid Terra Nova tests today.  They're so stupid.  Really really.  Next year though. I can't wait. 

Nothing else happened today.  My life is boring.

To James-

There isn't a person in this world that I love more than you.  And sometimes I don't know if you really understand that.  You're the most amazing person I've ever met and I would never do anything to loose you.  I seriously love everything about you.  I love your hair and how your nose runs when it's cold outside.  I love how you look high in all your pictures and how you can always make me smile.  I love how you make me feel safe when you hold me and how you're willing to put what I want in front of the things you want.  I can't wait until I can fall asleep next to you each night and every morning I wake up next to you.  You mean so much more to me than anything in the world.  I really do love you.

I'll always love you.

One Man Drinking Games

After venting to several different people, I think I'll be alright with going home at 12 after the dance.  God knows it's not ideal but I can deal with it.  What made me feel much better was that Jenn couldn't sleep over at Kelsey's house.  She was going to sleep over at her house because her mom doesn't care about curfew and all that jazz.  I was so pissed off because I'm 2 years older than her and she'd be allowed to go downtown and get drunk and I wouldn't.  

Prom though, if I'm not allowed to go out afterwards I will throw a temper tantrum.  I'm not even joking.

Everyone thinks that because you grew up in Germany when you go to college you wont go wild and party all the time because you've been exposed to all of that already.  Well I haven't been exposed to it at all because my parents are trying to keep me "safe".  I'm going to go to college and be one of those girls that gets drunk every weekend and ends up pregnant, just because I can.  And you know who's fault it's going to be? My parents.

Can't Take It

I'm not happy.

Well that's a lie.  I'm completely happy when I'm around James.  When he's near me every feels like it'll be ok.  But when he's gone I'm miserable.  It's mostly because of my mom.  She's being a bitch. 

It's about the winter formal thing.  I told her we were going to go downtown to a club afterwards.  She said that I couldn't go because I was only 16 and that I would be presented with "situations" that I wouldn't be able to deal with.  The only "situation" I would be facing is having fun for a change.  But now I'm forced with the situation of being the first one to leave, again.

I need to go punch something. Hopefully I'll write later.

Last Train Home

So I got in trouble today.  Again.  

I told my parents I got a 100% on my online chemistry quiz.  I only really have a 70%.  Hopefully I'll get it to at least an 85%.  Anyways, because I had at 100, they let me go over to James's house until 6 when I was suppose to meet my dad at the Limen bahnhoff.  Well we lost tract of time and soon it was 6 and we were still at James's house.  My mom and dad tried to call my cell phone like 5 times, but it fell out of my pocket and was on the ground so I didn't feel it vibrate.  Eventually they called James.  He said that we would take the bus then the train and we would be in Sandhausen by 7:15.  We made it there on time but he didn't tell me that he had no way of getting home!  We took the last bus to go to my house.  So he walked home.  Thats at least 6k if not more! I can't believe I'd have a boyfriend that would walk home just because I asked him to take the train with me.  I wouldn't have asked him if I knew he'd have to walk home.

While we were waiting for the train, James said that he felt like a bad boyfriend.  There is no way in hell he's a bad boyfriend.  He wouldn't even give me a real reason why he felt that way.  He's so amazing.   

On a more happier note,  Koray kissed Brent today! It was so funny.  Daniel had found some mistletoe and put it over Koray and Brent's head.  Brent turned his head to kiss Koray on the cheek but at the same time Koray turned his head so they ended up kissing on the lips. They started freaking out.  Boys are so stupid sometimes.

Nobody Dances Anymore

I feel very accomplished today.  I've already finished my AP Lit essay and it's only 9:35.  I usually finish around 11.  I have so much free time I don't know what to do with myself.  

Today at tennis a German team was interested in me playing for them!  I was really excited.  It's the lowest level but I really don't care.  I can always move up if I try hard enough.  It's just like tennis for the high school, only everyone speaks German.  They practice every day after school in Kircheim and on Saturdays they play matches.  I'm really pretty excited for it.  It starts in May.  The only problem, besides me not speaking German very well, is that I'll have less time with James because I'll be practicing every day except for Sunday.  He said he's really proud of me when I told him.  I didn't tell him the part about me practicing everyday though.  I will eventually though.  

The winter formal is coming up this Saturday.  I don't know what James and I are doing.  The tickets are really expensive (like $35) so we were thinking that we could just meet everyone downtown.  All of James's friends are dressing up like they went to the dance and just skipping it and going downtown.  It's going to be really fun.  I'm going to wear jeans though.  I don't really like wearing dresses outside of dances.  The only problem with this wonderful plan is that I'm not too sure my mom will like the idea of me going downtown and drinking with James and his friends.  They're not all boys, Katianne will be there, but my parents are still over protective. 

I have to finish an online chemistry quiz so I can hang out with James tomorrow after school. 

Last Call

I feel like such a bad girlfriend!  James and I were having a great conversation on the phone after school.  He mentioned that he was kinda tired, and since I was too, we decided to call back in 30 minuets.  Well 30 minuets went by and I got up to call James back but I was was too tired so I just fell back asleep.  An hour and a half later I called him.  I am a terrible girlfriend.  I was almost crying.  He is so amazing and I just don't feel like I can keep up with him.  He'd never forget to call me.  I love him so much and I don't feel like I'm good enough for him.  

Life is Beautiful

Ahh! I love James.

I know it's a little too much information but I started my period and I'm really happy about that.

Nothing exciting happened today. I'm suppose to be writing an essay for AP Lit but I just can't bring myself to do it.  I'm going to do it tomorrow morning.  I have a 62% in that class now! I know I'm not suppose to be excited about a D but still.  It's a ton better than that 54%.  

James said the cutest thing to me today in his funny english =]

"We do not get unlimited changes to have the things we want, this I know.  Nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could have changed your life.  My life has changed completely since I met you, it is the best if could ever be now.  We may not get unlimited chances, but some of us don't need but 1 chance.  You gave me that chance.  I love you sweetheart"

Hey Jealousy

I want to write here every day, well everyday that's exciting.  But I'm not getting of to a very good start.  They say it takes 21 days to create a new habit and 3 months for it to become part of your lifestyle.  I still have a while until then.

I think James's friends like me!  It's a really good thing.  When we first started going out I knew that they liked me, they even said it themselves, but I didn't feel like they really really liked me and that they were just saying they did because I was better than James's ex-girlfriend  But yesterday I thought that they included me very well.  Derrick had his name tag for his job and he gave it to me to wear.  Then a little while later they decided that all the boys should go outside and steal this one kid's guitar case.  I was kinda bumed that I didn't get to go because I'm obviously not a guy, but then they said that since my name was Derrick (I still had his name tag on) I was a boy. I like having James's friends like me. 

Later on James and I were playing the question game.  He asked me how many guys I've kissed. I didn't know the exact number but I guessed around 14.  He said that he was really jealous of those other guys and I can't really understand why.  They didn't really mean anything to me.  The thing is, they were all guys I was kinda sorta interested in going out with but since kissing good is really important to me I wanted to make sure they could do it alright before I was actually committed.  But you know what? I found that guy that gives me goosebumps on my arm and butterflies in my stomach every time he kisses me.  And that guy is James.  I tried to explain that to him but I don't know what he thinks.  He really has nothing to be jealous about. 

I'll Be Your Crying Shoulder

Well today was eventful.

Today James skipped seminar with one of his friends, Alex, and went downtown.  He invited me to go but I didn't want to get in trouble for skipping and my mom said I couldn't stay after school so it was pointless for me to go.  Once I got home I took a nap because I was reallyyy tired.  Around 4:30 James showed up!  He had a rose and it was so pretty and he was just so perfect.  I had to have been the happiest person in the world.  He means the world to me.  I love how he does these little things that make me smile.

He left a while later and I went to my sisters room after dinner to try on dresses for prom and the winter formal.  I was having the time of my life.  It was really fun.  When I got back to my room I sent James a text message telling him how much I loved the flower and how amazing he is.  He sent me back a message that told me to call him.  When he answered the phone he was crying.  I can't deal with crying people.  I almost started crying myself.  He got into a fight with his parents.  I didn't know what to do to make him feel any better.  I couldn't give him a hug and I didn't know exactly what to say.  So I told him that I loved him.  He said that he was worthless and  I actually started crying.  He's not worthless.  He's the only person on this planet that I could ever love this much.  I just want to go over there and hold him and make him feel better.

Skeptics and True Believers

I don't know why but I just feel the need to spill out everything that's happening to everyone that walks by.  It's always like this.  Just as soon as you get one part of your life under control, in this case my love life, another part comes crashing down, like my grades.

James, that special guy in my life, is amazing.  He is without a doubt the sweetest and nicest guy I've every gone out with.  Which by it's self isn't saying much since I've gone out with a ton of jerks.  But he really is special.  I don't know what it is though, I always end up telling him little white lies.  I guess it's just because everything is so perfect I need something to go wrong.  They aren't anything serious, just little lies like when he asks what I'm listening to I'll lie and say a different band.  I don't know exactly why I do it but I do.  I really need to stop.  He's completely in love with me and I love him just as much back.  I shouldn't have to lie to him about stupid things like that.

School sucks.  Everyone knows that but still, I just like saying it again.  AP Lit is the hardest class I've ever taken.  I think I have a 54% in it right now.  I need to do so much better.  We have to write at least one essay a week and I just don't have the time, or energy, to do that anymore.  It just plain pisses me off.  I should've dropped it at semester.  I don't know if I'm going to take AP Comp next year.  Everyone says it's easier than AP Lit but I have a hard time believing them.  I'll just take English 12.