Hey Jealousy

I want to write here every day, well everyday that's exciting.  But I'm not getting of to a very good start.  They say it takes 21 days to create a new habit and 3 months for it to become part of your lifestyle.  I still have a while until then.

I think James's friends like me!  It's a really good thing.  When we first started going out I knew that they liked me, they even said it themselves, but I didn't feel like they really really liked me and that they were just saying they did because I was better than James's ex-girlfriend  But yesterday I thought that they included me very well.  Derrick had his name tag for his job and he gave it to me to wear.  Then a little while later they decided that all the boys should go outside and steal this one kid's guitar case.  I was kinda bumed that I didn't get to go because I'm obviously not a guy, but then they said that since my name was Derrick (I still had his name tag on) I was a boy. I like having James's friends like me. 

Later on James and I were playing the question game.  He asked me how many guys I've kissed. I didn't know the exact number but I guessed around 14.  He said that he was really jealous of those other guys and I can't really understand why.  They didn't really mean anything to me.  The thing is, they were all guys I was kinda sorta interested in going out with but since kissing good is really important to me I wanted to make sure they could do it alright before I was actually committed.  But you know what? I found that guy that gives me goosebumps on my arm and butterflies in my stomach every time he kisses me.  And that guy is James.  I tried to explain that to him but I don't know what he thinks.  He really has nothing to be jealous about. 

I'll Be Your Crying Shoulder

Well today was eventful.

Today James skipped seminar with one of his friends, Alex, and went downtown.  He invited me to go but I didn't want to get in trouble for skipping and my mom said I couldn't stay after school so it was pointless for me to go.  Once I got home I took a nap because I was reallyyy tired.  Around 4:30 James showed up!  He had a rose and it was so pretty and he was just so perfect.  I had to have been the happiest person in the world.  He means the world to me.  I love how he does these little things that make me smile.

He left a while later and I went to my sisters room after dinner to try on dresses for prom and the winter formal.  I was having the time of my life.  It was really fun.  When I got back to my room I sent James a text message telling him how much I loved the flower and how amazing he is.  He sent me back a message that told me to call him.  When he answered the phone he was crying.  I can't deal with crying people.  I almost started crying myself.  He got into a fight with his parents.  I didn't know what to do to make him feel any better.  I couldn't give him a hug and I didn't know exactly what to say.  So I told him that I loved him.  He said that he was worthless and  I actually started crying.  He's not worthless.  He's the only person on this planet that I could ever love this much.  I just want to go over there and hold him and make him feel better.

Skeptics and True Believers

I don't know why but I just feel the need to spill out everything that's happening to everyone that walks by.  It's always like this.  Just as soon as you get one part of your life under control, in this case my love life, another part comes crashing down, like my grades.

James, that special guy in my life, is amazing.  He is without a doubt the sweetest and nicest guy I've every gone out with.  Which by it's self isn't saying much since I've gone out with a ton of jerks.  But he really is special.  I don't know what it is though, I always end up telling him little white lies.  I guess it's just because everything is so perfect I need something to go wrong.  They aren't anything serious, just little lies like when he asks what I'm listening to I'll lie and say a different band.  I don't know exactly why I do it but I do.  I really need to stop.  He's completely in love with me and I love him just as much back.  I shouldn't have to lie to him about stupid things like that.

School sucks.  Everyone knows that but still, I just like saying it again.  AP Lit is the hardest class I've ever taken.  I think I have a 54% in it right now.  I need to do so much better.  We have to write at least one essay a week and I just don't have the time, or energy, to do that anymore.  It just plain pisses me off.  I should've dropped it at semester.  I don't know if I'm going to take AP Comp next year.  Everyone says it's easier than AP Lit but I have a hard time believing them.  I'll just take English 12.